CHURCH FREEKS Ever met somebody who really wanted you to know that they are religious? Like maybe no matter what they done in the past doesn't matter as long as they read the bible. And what about the scumbag who just robbed an old lady, smokes crack, doesn't take care of his kids, and just fucked a hooker but gets mad if you say "goddamn"? Those are the worst! Well I got a bad news.............. You can read the bible 24-7 and still be a piece of shit. No disrespect to those who are religious not just because they got locked up. In jail and prison they force the bible on you and tell you that you cant be sober or stay out of trouble without it. I hate jail house preachers! Its all ways an older black crackhead who gets a bible and starts reading it as soon as he gets locked up but back robbing people the day he gets out. And I love to see white boys with the tattoo "ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME" and are confused when God's name is Judge Hall. The only book your allowed to have is the bible when you transfer or go to lock down. I had razor blades and pictures of naked chicks hidden in mine along with addresses and phone numbers. Its funny cause alot of people cant even follow a Dr. Seuss book but tell me about God's plan. In prison you really don't have much time to eat before they tell you to get the fuck out and I seen a dude sit down, start praying like one of them dudes off the movie "The Exorcist", bless the orange like a retard, give a couple hail marys, and by the time he got his glass of juice it was time to go and he didn't get to eat. I told him God would understand if he didn't pray right away for the beef-o-roni and maybe at the end of the day just say thanks for the 3 meals during the day. I was in the cell with another white man and that's like winning the lottery so we became friends and were both new to prison. We would stay up all night talking about life on the street, pussy, cars, you know regular shit. Well one night they were showing that "Passion of Christ" deal but the crowd was a little to dark because all they heard was "movie." So I told him I wasn't going. He came back later and had a stack of them boring ass watchtower magazines and didn't want to talk. They called church and I didn't go again so that night he came back and said to me "Man you just don't got it figured out do ya? Gods gonna take care of me!" I was amazed that 2 times in church and he has something figured out. Well I can tell he is turning into one of them asshole bible thumpers and I start to question if maybe he is doing this cause maybe his charge was worse than he told me. You know those church freeks are all ways fucking little boys, just look at all the jokes about catholic preachers. Well one night they yelled something over the intercom and I asked what they called. He just looks at me then back to his bible, so I ask him again if he heard what they called and he stands up, slings his bible at the wall and screams "ITS CALLED RESPECT! YOU DONT TALK TO SOMEONE WHILE THEY ARE READING THE BIBLE!" I was thinking was this guy serious? Well we didn't talk for weeks and I noticed he was picking cigarette butts up and rolling them cause he had no money. The first time he spoke to me in weeks was to ask me if I could get him some smokes til whenever. Well I had to do it........... I said "I'm sure God will help ya buddy!" One time there was this black dude who would just yell out bible verses, well this dude takes off all his cloths and yells "I AM GOD, GIVE ME MY CHILDREN" we all clapped when the came in and slammed him on the ground and cuffed him up. I worked with this weirdo that asked me to go to church with him and I all ways had an excuse why I couldn't. Well he shows up at my mom's house right after I smoked a joint and I couldn't think of a excuse so I get in his truck and we head off. He turns on this horrible shit called something Franklin and said he made the cd for me. So we show up in Nocatee and as we are getting out the truck he says "by the way its Pentecostal" and I said "penna what?" We walk in and they had a band gettin down! Girls everywhere and everybody is so nice. Well the dude comes out and makes us sing the longest fucking song I ever heard! So he starts talking then out of the fucking blue he goes "SHAMA SHAMA LAKA LAKA" and this old ass dude falls on me and some old lady is chewing on my sleeve and crying! The dude on the floor starts grabbing my pants and I look over and say real loud "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK" then pushed the lady off me and stepped over the fucking guy having a seizure and walked outside. About 30 minutes later my friend came out and told me it wasn't for some people. I just told him to take me the fuck home and I didn't wanna say bye to the retards inside the church. I know a girl who would suck a dick for a hit of meth but the minute she put on that ugly ass dress that goes to her ankles she is a decent girl. Everybody tells me to go to church to meet a girl and I plan on it! We need more Jim Jones guys to clean up shop.
